Tough situation with 17 year old daughter |
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I have a 17 year old daughter that is a Senior this year. She doesn't EVER want to go to school and it's killing me. We fight about it every day and I'm just tired of trying when it's apparent that she doesn't care. She hates school and all of the kids in it. She has 2 friends, but one of them has already graduated and the other one is a drop out. What can I do here? I don't want her to drop out, but I also don't want to fight with her every day about the same darn thing. I work about 25 miles from home, so I can't make sure that she's going to school every day. If she wants to stay at home, she just stays at home. They are getting ready to consider her truant and then I will start to get fined for her not going to school. Please help! |
Answers
b0xxx:My parents did what Jan advised. The house rule was simple, involved no yelling, and we could tell they meant it. Here's the rule: As long as I was in school, my parents would pay the bills. The bills included car insurance, gas, electricity, mortgage, food, medical insurance/care, etc. The number they had for those expenses was large compared to the money I made working on weekends. If I left school during highschool or college, I'd have to pay 25% of those bills to live at home and use the car (there were 2 adults and 2 children in the family). Alternatively, I could go it completely alone if I could manage to make it. When I reached the age of 18, I would have to live outside the house at my own expense or go on to college, which they would pay for. This was all explained very calmly. And they made it clear that they loved me very much, and that I was old enough to make my own decisions based on the facts. I think they even tried to get me to brainstorm what I could do for a living in order to survive alone. The jobs sounded horrible. The math was impossible. I stayed.
2008-11-20 10:43
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Jan:
Maybe if you talk to her about what her being truant is going to do to YOU, she may have seconds thoughts. Get your facts straight, be sure of what the consequences are and present them to her. Does she really want you to get in trouble because of her? Probably not. Or, she can take the G.E.D. test and "graduate" early. My mother gave me two choices, school or work. If school was college I had to get loans for the first two years and she would do the last two. Talk to her calmly and explain that in the adult world, everyone must make money to pay their way. She should pay rent if she wants to live at home. (I'm not saying tell her she has to move out,no way!) You pay a mortgage, she should help with rent because thats the way of the world, we all pay to live somewhere. Driving is the same, she must pay to drive. If she needs to get around to find a job, cut her some slack, but not much. She may find that going to school is easier than working at the local grease pit! She's 17 and if you want to maintain a relationship with her, talk to her calmly and with respect and demand the same of her. Show her what being an adult is like. Bring out the bills and ask which she would like to pay on. Calmly and consistantly show her the adult world. She may not want to jump into it to quickly. Good Luck! I don't envy you this task.