totally confused |
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Ok first of all let me say, I am married, my husband and I have been married for 4 years. My best friend (who is also female) is married also and we both have young children. We’ve both been having problems within our relationships. And recently myself and her have kind of experimented and have gotten really close, and by that I mean “in love” neither of us have ever done anything like this before now. And we were more or less pressured into it by our husbands, who at the time thought it would be “cool“ (if they knew then what they know now they would have never gotten this started) but now that we are in this situation, we are really confused. In a way we want our marriages to work at least for the sake of the children but I don't know that it even can work, because we really want to be together, but yet are terrified by how our families and our children will take it, or if they even will accept it. We’ve tried to go back to being just friends but it never seems to work. And I don’t think I even know how to be just friends with her at this point. Seeking any advice, just please don’t be too harsh, I know this is a bad situation. ok the replies so far, let me clear up a couple things. first of all, neither of us are gay/lesbian/bi (however u wanna look at it) she is the only female im attracted to, and the same goes for her. |
Answers
marinemj:this is a tough one. there are really three questions here and you have to answer them in order: 2. do you want to work out your marriage for any reason other than the kids? if so, you are going to need to stop contact with your friend, and get some help. if not, then get out. 3. after deciding what you want to do with your marriage, you can decide if you want to continue seeing your friend. and if you do, don't worry about other people. that's no way to live. OR you could just spill the beans to your husband and maybe he will think it's fine and things can carry on as they have been. but probably not.
2008-08-18 15:35
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thatwasmyidea:I am sorry but stop kidding yourself, you are gay and that's fine. Please don't deny who you are. All you are going to do is wind up being a self hating gay who is in the closet regretting that you didn't have the courage to follow your heart. I think you should see a therapist and figure out who you are and try to reconcile the fact that you aren't the same person you were before. I would have to say the chance of your marriage working isn't good and staying together in an unhealthy marriage is going to do much more harm to your children then leaving and being true to yourself. Your children learn a lot more from your example of how to live then by trying to hide the truth (which they will see through anyway). good luck and stop denying who you are. be yourself and move on with it (with or without this woman)
2008-08-19 08:15
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ravjav:If you are confused, the only smart thing to do is get into therapy, especially considering you are married and there are children involved.
2008-09-03 17:07
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whatdoyoumeancookie:
hmm, that's an interesting situation. have you told your husbands? I think that would be the first step. if you want to be together with her, try not to worry too much about social issues (that it's not totally acceptable for some people, etc.) and just do what you need to do to be happy.
good luck.