New UPDATE: my boyfriend's cousin |
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How can you honestly be in love with one person, my boyfriend (D) of 2 and half years, we talk about marriage, our future, and really that's all I want, and still find yourself interested in someone else. I don't want to be "in like/lust" with someone else. I don't want an emotional relationship with anyone other than D, but why do I find myself enjoying time with his cousin. I keep telling him (X) that we cannot continue what we are doing (which we haven't crossed the physical line, but have come way too close), and he just says that it doesn't feel wrong to him. So what do I do? I want these feelings to stop. I want to keep the relationship I have, and work on that. but I am not even sure what needs to be worked on? There isn't anything that Z is giving me (other than kind words that all girls want to hear... I would buy you flowers, I would treat you good, etc) that D isn't. Anything would help this situation. Thanks in advance for responding. Any response is better than no response. |
Answers
angeleyes:you just go with the one you love very much if your boyfriend is out of the light then go and get him and make your x want you all!
2007-12-06 01:15
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red:GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. If you love your boyfriend, you will come up with some reason to kick him out or you will leave himself. Your boyfriend deserves that.
2007-12-06 12:22
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wullaby:I am not sure what it is you want to hear: my take on what will transpire or where it is you lie in social fundamentals? - Because of that, I guess I have to give both: Feelings do not make one do what cannot be done socially (and physically)IF we were ALL fundamentally sound and clear on what obligations/capacities come with each role, plus the unfolding transition that our life story is. Since you are surrounded by so many individuals at different life-stages, it becomes a challenge where you might be led to believe your feelings are leading you to do something wrong, or make a social mistake - but that is not the case. You do not have to faulter or stumble everytime you encounter someone from a different life-stage or with a different take/opinion/feeling. Many things we have to do - and that we CAN definitely do socially within the capacity of our identity/role - while in the process of handling OUR business do not always sit well with others. Realize too that they are also handling THEIR business, so they are only disagreeing with you as it concerns them, or as they see -- something like this advice column. All you can say is that at least the diversity of the world exists and you can count on the fact that people will always mind/tend to their business. Social rules (and space) are never violated really by the verbal conflict/difference that surrounds. Don't be scared to do your thing - as long as you feel it and as long as somebody else is agreeable to work for you as such (for whatever reasons they have) in the social work/title you are putting out (lover, friend, etc). After all, the have the social make not to be agreeable with you in the first place... Overall, whatever you decide to do for yourself is fine. You have the freedom to tend to your business as your feelings lead you. You can weather any storm as long as you stay fundamentally sound knowing your social title, capacities and obligations. Others who are expressing anger, grief, pain and controlling tendencies at you exercising your social freedom, will have to come around, or risk consequences. Good luck.
2007-12-12 08:08
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marinemj:
you may not be able to stop him coming around, but you can stop hanging out after your boyfriend goes to bed and you can stop flirting (and if you both have feelings, the flirting is not "innocent"). it will be tough, but you have to be strong and just stop. regardless of whether you and your boyfriend stay together (and based on what you have written, that is a big question), you can't hook up with his cousin. it would just be too thoughtless and mean and awful for him.