Do I have a right to be angry? |
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I'm currently 21, living with my parents and they are paying for my college. In September school will be starting up again. Well, in October my boyfriends family is having a family reunion and I have been invited. It would require me to take a week off from work and school. I haven't yet said if I am going, I plan on waiting to see what is going on in my schooling first. When I discussed it with my mom she said that if I went they would no longer pay for my college and I still have 3 years until I earn my degree. I understand them not wanting me to miss school but at the same time...I'm only going to go if I know it won't put me behind or anything. Part of me questions their motives even more because they do not like my boyfriend and would prefer I broke up with him. It just seems they are using my education against me in order to get me to do what they want. I would never do anything to endanger my schooling and they of all people know this. Is it unreasonable of me to get angry because of this? |
Answers
harleygirl:Is it just this boyfriend, or have they given you ultimatums for other relationships? I think you need to decide how much of a grown-up you want to be. Whenever you do something they dislike, your parents may threaten to stop paying for your education. If you take a stand now, and call their bluff, it may show them you want to be treated like an adult. Just be prepared for the reality. I don't think it's fair to put restrictions on an education, unless the child isn't performing academically. What you're asking isn't unreasonable. MJ is right. They're being controlling. I never once considered not paying for my daughter's education, even when she was involved with a guy we hated. She had to find out the hard way he was a jerk. It's part of growing up. She never let anything get in the way of her education, and now she's Air Force JAG over in Germany. I think if you approach your parents and say, "I've checked my schedule, and it won't adversely affect my classes if I attend the reunion. I understand how you feel, and if that's your choice, I'll start making plans to get loans. I might have to get a job to cover some expenses, so please understand if I don't have a lot of time for you in the future." Throw a little reality in their faces. I'm sure they won't like that much. When the worm turns, I bet they'll rethink their position.
2008-09-01 21:16
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Inah:I think the issue here is that they're paying for a 15 week semester and you want to take a week off in the middle to have a vacation. That's how I see it. If you had more evidence than this one instance, I'd say your parents were controlling. But I think they just don't want their money to be wasted. I missed two weeks of school during my senior year. That's by far the most school I've missed. The first was due to a pretty serious illness the first semester. That left me set back pretty far and definitely impacted my grades. The other I missed because I was presenting work at a conference in a far away part of the country. That one wasn't too bad to miss but I made arrangements to take tests in advance and I got notes from friends. Even though I knew about the presentation months in advance and planned everything, it still set me back. So even with advanced planning you fall behind. Honestly, I don't think students should be taking vacations in the middle of the school year. Teachers don't like it either. It's fine to miss a class or two for major things like weddings & funerals. But this just isn't at that level. You really shouldn't miss a whole week of school for anything but an educational opportunity or an emergency.
2008-09-02 00:34
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marinemj:
your parents sounds ridiculous and controlling. so you have a choice: cave to them and get your college covered, or declare your independance and start applying for financial aid. honestly, if it were me, i might stick it out, get what i need, and then break away. it all depends on you and how much you are willing to sacrifice to make them happy.