Hey John -
I am a 29 year old single male, who has a great job, family and friends. However, this past weekend I made a mistake.
I have been friends with this person for only 4 months, but when I met him through mutual friends, we hit it off and essentially hang out in a group setting every weekend, either going to a club/lounge, bar, mall, gym..whatever. Since about 5 of us hang out every weekend, we come into contact with women, either that we know or that we meet. We both met this girl who was chill, only hung out with her 3 times with our group of friends, nothing serious. I began talking to her first but my friend expressed that he liked her and wanted to pursue, so I told him I wasn't interested like that and I would let him do his thing with her without my interference. I haven't spoken to her or seen her in 2 weeks where my friend has, but they hadn't done anything - date, hookup, nothing.
So, this past Sunday we all went to the Giants game and we had a tailgate party, which she came to. I ignored her all day and told her that my friend liked her and I gave him my word and to back off with the flirting. This continued for 5 hours of which I would ignore her and her attempts to dance/talk with me, and got to the point where she had "supposedly" gone to him to talk to him to tell him that she wasn't interested in "that" way with him but adored their friendship, which she told me she had told 2 other people the same thing.
Long story short, after a day of drinking, I wanted to go to bed and found her in bed in a thong and panties. I tried so hard to avoid temptation and told her I couldn't, but her persistence eventually won and we hooked up, we didn't have oral or sex.
The next morning I tried to reach out to my friend to apologize and talk about it, but he told me to f off and wasn't in the mood to talk to me. He feels betrayed and I know I screwed up with him. Am I completely in the wrong here? What should I do? I am afraid that our new friendship is lost and I will lose a group of friends because of this as well.
Thank you
marinemj:
wow. you must be superfly to have drawn this woman so irresistably to you. here's the thing- she clearly wasn't interested in your friend, so it is not like you stole her or anything. does it sort of suck to have a friend hook up with someone you liked? sure. but you need to just wait until he cools down and let him know that you thought he wasn't that interested since he didn't pursue anything, she was interested in you, and you are sorry. hopefully he'll get over it and it won't be a big deal.
in the future, try to steer away from girls who pursue guys that aren't into them just to see if they can do it. she sounds like a big game player to me.